Today the temperature climbed to 38 degrees so Nele and I decided to head an hour out of Tokyo to swim in the river. When we arrived at our destination we were greeted with thunderstorms. To kill the time we ducked into an ojisan’s antique store and came across this tiny Nikon potatocam that only had 4 MP. He said he’d part with it for 3000 yen so we thought why not (especially with resellers in Akihabara selling similar point and shoots for 10,000-20,000 yen). Sure enough the sun came out and we got to enjoy the river for a couple of hours but we had so much fun with our new camera that time flew by.

By the river, I read this passage from @kuma_power in @nylonjapan that I resonated with. She said, “No matter how much praise I received… as an artist, it didn’t really give me confidence. Because honestly, it doesn’t matter, does it? If you believe someone else’s opinion that you’re a genius, then you would have to believe them just as much even if they tell you that you’re fake with no talent… no matter what other people say to you, it won’t lead to your own self-affirmation or true self-confidence… that sense of confidence in my life, which I had been lacking up until that point, was boosted by normal things.”

It’s something I’ve been doing here in Tokyo. Shedding my skin as an artist so I can claim what I was before I wore my art like armour. It’s a strange process. I feel boring honestly most of the time during this period of shedding. People never really judge you on what you went through or what you’ve achieved in the past but rather what you are now and what’s next. I think of my best friend today, exactly one year after the funeral, gone but not forgotten. How he too wore his art like armour even in the heat until it melted his skin. Or maybe he left it on for too long and the armour and him became one. Either way, I’m still living and feeling the passing of time even if the itch to do more is always there.